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Tonight, I found Christine in bed with another man. I suppose that I knew it was only a matter of time. I’ve been working a lot of nights lately and have been tired out from chasing around a crawling baby. Well, he’s not really a man yet, per se, though he has faced many trials in his life, one especially early in his life that left him both emotionally and physically scarred. Perhaps that was what attracted her to him in the first place. Maybe it was the magic in the air whenever that follows him wherever he goes. The thing that hurts the most is that I brought this man into our life. I’m also a little ashamed to have to admit that I spent a night or two with him in bed over the past week.

Harry Potter mania has gripped our household. I’ve finished the latest book (which was only 652 pages, not 1200 as was previously reported to me) and I don’t have anybody to talk to about it, because she hasn’t finished reading it yet. I suppose that I’m going a little stir crazy.

I just returned from Barnes and Noble to pick up my copy of JK’s latest masterpiece. Yes, if you were there and you happen upon this blog, I was the single, creepy old guy sitting in the Fiction section A-G reading Michael Crichton’s Timeline. They had a bunch of stuff for us to do while we were waiting for the clock to strike 12:01 am. I made a wand for Liam, which he will probably pull apart and eat, drank a Grande Strawberry and Creme frappuccino from the bastard son Starbucks cafe attached to the bookstore like some sort of corporate tumor, and read about 70 pages in the aforementioned Timeline. I also met Hermione’s twin and had a buddy try to get me one of the coveted Yellow wristband’s that only the people who had reserved a copy of the book got. I got stuck with one of the Orange wristbands, though I still got a copy of the book and two pair of Harry glasses, and two promo posters. I haven’t even had a chance to tear into the book yet, but I’m sure by this time tomorrow I’ll know who the half blood prince is. Don’t worry, though, I won’t tell.

For a majority of the population (a majority of whom are probably under 14), I don’t have to explain any further. Most of the rest of you, you just don’t get it and any further explanation would only serve to infuriate and irritate. For a select few of you, you know exactly what I’m talking about, but you will stop reading for fear of eternal damnation of your soul. Then again, you probably think that the internet will result in the eternal damnation of your soul, so what am I so worried about? You’re all a bunch of religious nutjobs. It’s only a series of books, not the impending coming of the anti-Christ. Besides, you have your own books that tell you just how that’s all going to shake down. If you thought you knew what I was talking about, perhaps you don’t anymore. I’m a little confused right now to be honest. All I know is this.

I saw Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith at midnight on opening night. I can guarantee that I will be at the local Barnes and Noble store tonight at the stroke of midnight to pick up this latest 1200 page piece of the opus about the young anti-Christ and his hell minions (or maybe he’s just a wizard and he has a couple of friends). Bow down before my superior geekosity.

I’ve decided to post a list of things that I really, really, really hate. I got this idea during a what should have been leisurely drive to the Cape for a couple of days. However, it quickly turned into a frustrating battle of wills between my better nature and my overwhelming desire to choke the life out of every single person on the planet.

I hate people who obey traffic laws. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those crazy assholes that thinks he owns the roads and drives with reckless abandon. I follow traffic laws to a certain extent, but not to the letter and I especially don’t adjust my driving just because I happen to see a state trooper. It’s just that I think that STOP signs are only a suggestion and the speed limit doesn’t really limit much of anything. Christine says, “They don’t call it a speed limit for nothing.”

This is my reasoning behind not obeying the speed limit. Being a mathematician who has taken my share of calculus, I know that limits pretty well backward and forward. I could go into the epsilon-delta definition of a limit and how that applies to the speed limit, but I’m afraid that you have all already stopped reading once you got to the word mathematician, so I’ll make this brief for my own sake. A limit is basically something that you can get really close to, but never approach (and you certainly don’t exceed it). An example is the function y=1/x. Now, as x approaches infinity (which it will never reach), y approaches zero, because the number in the bottom of the fraction gets bigger, so the fraction gets smaller. However, y will never reach zero, because there is no number infinity (there’s certainly not enough time to discuss the theories as to what really is out there at infinity, but there is no number infinity). Therefore, when I say to Christine, this isn’t much of a limit, since I can not only reach the speed limit, but I can also exceed it, my answer is rooted firmly in sound mathematical theory.